1: Remember that EFT is NOT a "miracle cure" and I am no medical doctor. EFT is there to help people deal with their emotions and energetic unbalances, and it so happens that in many cases, people who find emotional balance also find relief at other levels, including emotional and physical, whatever the disease. But people need to be "ready for it".
2. AVOID trying to convince them at all costs:
If people don't have to "believe in EFT" for EFT to help them, they do need to be open to the possibility of getting better, one day. So if you try hard to convince a loved one, they might want to please you, and "give it a go". But they might try it without putting their heart into it, and it might "not work".
Then they'll decide that this is all stupid, and well, this is just one more proof that they cannot be helped. It's a bit like the yoyo diets. Not only it doesn't work, it makes it worse. I know, I've been caught myself, a bit on the yoyo diets, but mainly on trying to "impose wellness by EFT" to loved-ones. I had just discovered EFT, and was keen on helping the world. I understood that I might not be the best person to help when I might be too close to the issue, so in one case I sent somebody to another practitioner. But they only went to humour me. And in the end... it just "did not work". I had similar situations with a couple of people who came to humour somebody, and did not get much benefit out of it.
Having said that, there is a very fine line between imposing on someone and supporting someone. You are the only one to know how hard you can safely put the pressure on them. Julia, after all, came to humour a friend, and was not exactly open to the idea of EFT. She still found relief (read her story here). And again, back to my own story, the friend who introduced me to EFT talked to me for 3 months about it. It seemed "too good to be true, and out there", so I kept ignoring her on that topic. One day she literally forced me to try. It didn't really work that day, I have to say, but it got me curious. The rest is history....
3. Clarify expectations:
Is their healing YOUR expectation or your loved one's? In most cases, we want the best for the ones we love, so WE are expecting THEY get better. But maybe they're not ready to get better yet. What if they need to go their own route? In that case, we all do whatever we feel like doing, and very rarely what we're told. So you can tell them as many times as you want that this or that would be good for them, they need to walk their path and make their decision.
As difficult as it might be to imagine, we migth have good reasons for staying ill or keeping doing something potentially harmful to ourselves. Smoking is the easiest example : somebody might say "I do want to stop", they might even have tried (and failed, so far) several times. But when you get into their deeper feelings, you find what we call "secondary gains", the "yes, but...", when they say "I want to stop smoking, yes but..."
"....Yes but I won't have an excuse to have breaks at work", "... yes but it gives me confidence when I'm in a social situation", "...yes but I'll put on weight", "yes but that smoke screen protects me", etc..
Once yout tap these away, it is a whole new world.
More often than not, these reasons are perfectly unconscious: people might believe that this is the only way they can get attention, one of the many beliefs I had myself during the many years I spent deep in "clinical depression". I since discovered it's much more fun to feel great!
Or they might believe that their disease just proves so and so that they are wrong, or because it's a good excuse not to do what they don't want to do, without hurting others by saying no, or simply because of the fear of change. Who would they be, what would they do without this dis-ease?
Try and consider their own point of view?
4. Identify your own feelings:
When they refuse to do what you want them to, including using EFT, how do you feel? Angry? Disappointed? Anxious? Sad? Fearful for what future will bring them... and you? Powerless? Frustrated? How do you deal with these feelings? Some might say you shouldn't take their refusal personnaly. I'd say you could. Actually, do take is so personaly that you'll be dealing with your own personal reaction first. And maybe, just maybe, I'm wondering... could EFT help YOU?
There could be a few potential benefits in you using EFT to deal with this.
* first of all, of course, you might feel better, and this is priceless, for you, and all those around you, including that person.
* Communication with that person might be much easier. How can you support them when you're angry or anxious? They'll feel it, might even feel guilty / annoyed / upset about making you feel that way. All in all, they might not find much solace in your well meaning. While if you feel more at peace with yourself and their own decisions, then the dialog takes another dimension.
* Lead by example : by using EFT yourself, you're demonstrating the results in a real life situation. And they could only notice it sooner or later. Then they might remark on it, and eventually decide they'd like some of that well being. And before you know it, you've really helped them see HOPE.
So in a nutshell, you might be able to help somebody else with EFT, but not necessarily the way you might have thought. I had a friend once who got involved in drugs. I kept lecturing that friend about it. Many years later, that person told me drugs was history and that I had helped a lot, and added : "it was not what you said, it was who you were".... Leading by example without even realising it... Probably one of the most precious compliments I ever received.
I hope this has helped you. Any other question, please contact me.
It allows you to assess where you are to start with, and then assess your progress in dealing with the issue at hand.
It goes from 10, when the pain or distress is unbearable and out of control to 0, where you feel great, happy and pain-free. When dealing with children who might not be able to count, the alternative is to go from 10 - arms wide open, and progressively close to 0 - hands together in front of you.
It's actually interesting to see how a "slight pain" might be rated by some people as a 5 and others as a 2!
Further Reading :
SUDS on Wiki
More on SUDS creator Joseph Wolpe
The next step is normally another question back : "if you think this problem is for life, what are you expecting from our work together?" Incidentally, the problem could be just about anything, mild daily stress issue, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, or even more "physical" diagnosis such as chronic back, shoulder, neck, knee pains... or even more serious diseases such as cancer. Actually, if you look for "spontaneous remission" on the internet, they will nearly only talk about cancer.
Back to your question. Is your depression/anxiety/panic/pain etc.. for life? Let's say that if I thought anything was already written and that this "sentencing" (or any other) is valid, I would look for another job.
But my role is not to convince you. If it's a logical demonstration you are looking for, look for it, do your own research on the internet or elsewhere, it will be more efficient.
The role I choose is to accompany you to find out YOUR own solution The role which I chose is to accompany you to find YOUR(YOURS) solution. Because if you are here, it is because you look. Then here are some tracks(runways). Take a few minutes to answer it honestly. Cut the telephone and close the door a few moments.
Before answering every question, breathe profoundly, tap at the same time if you can / wish him(it) and especially, especially, especially (do I have to repeat it?!?!), listen to the first answer which comes to you of instinct, WITHOUT judging it, without judging YOU. There is neither good one(maid) nor bad answer, just man YOUR(YOURS) truth at this present moment, what does not mean that it is eternal.
1. What do you feel when you think " it is for life "?
Note it, calculate(code) him(it) of 0 (none felt) to 10 (felt very hardly, who can moreover be translated physically
Le rôle que j'ai choisi est de vous accompagner pour trouver VOTRE solution. Car si vous êtes ici, c'est que vous cherchez. Alors voici quelques pistes. Prenez quelques minutes pour y répondre honnêtement. Coupez le téléphone et fermez la porte quelques instants.
Avant de répondre à chaque question, respirez profondément, tapotez en même temps si vous le pouvez/souhaitez et surtout, surtout, surtout (dois-je le redire?!?!), écoutez la première réponse qui vous vient d'instinct, SANS la juger, sans VOUS juger. Il n'y a ni bonne ni mauvaise réponse, juste VOTRE vérité à cet instant présent, ce qui ne veut pas dire qu'elle est éternelle.
1. Que ressentez-vous quand vous pensez "c'est à vie"?
Notez-le, chiffrez-le de 0 (aucun ressenti) à 10 (ressenti très fort, qui peut d'ailleurs se traduire physiquement en nausée, battements de coeur etc...). Si cela est trop inconfortable, respirez profondément et tapotez en silence jusqu'à ce que le calme revienne.
2. Que ressentez-vous quand vous pensez "ce n'est pas à vie"?
Mêmes commentaires, et pour le côté physique, cela pourrait se traduire par un sourire involontaire, une sensation de calme... ou une légère (ou pas si légère) angoisse. Encore une fois, notez sans juger et mesurez.
3. Que préférez vous ressentir?
Le fait d'avoir écrit vos deux réponses précédentes peut vous aider à avancer sur les étapes suivantes.
4. Quelle vérité choisissez-vous pour vous même?
Je séparerais les réponses possibles en 3 catégories, avec une piste à suivre pour chaque:
a. "C'est à vie et je ne peux rien y faire" :
si vous êtes en train de lire, est-il possible qu'il y ait ne serait-ce que 0,001% en vous qui se dit "Et si..."? Et si ce n'était pas VRAIMENT à vie? Et si il y avait quelque part une particule infinitésimale d'espoir? Et si.... Et si.... Dans ce cas, ce sera le premier domaine à tapoter. Par contre selon mon expérience, c'est en général assez difficile à tapoter seul car très profondément enraciné. Demandez de l'aide pour commencer.
b. "Je ne sais pas si c'est à vie, mais je suis prêt(e) à considérer la possibilité d'une solution." :
dans ce cas, nous allons pouvoir commencer à travailler! Notez tous les éléments de solution qui vous apparaissent... et tous les "oui mais", tout ce qui vous dit encore "ce n'est pas possible". Pour chaque élément, identifiez et mesurez le(s) sentiment(s) associé(s) et notez éventuellement les souvenirs ou "croyances personnelles" qui remontent ("rien de marche pour moi", "je ne suis pas à la hauteur", "je ne mérite pas de guérir", "C'est de ma faute" etc..)
Vous reprendrez ces deux listes pour tapoter sur chaque élément.
c. "C'est peut être à vie dans certains cas, mais pas pour moi. Je choisis de trouver ma solution"
Là, je crois que vous avez déjà la moitié de la solution! Il ne reste plus qu'à la travailler un peu. Faites le même exercice que pour la réponse précédente, histoire de vérifier si par hasard il n'y aurait pas quelques "oui mais" cachés dans un coin. Et tapotez sur chaque élément de vos deux listes.
Dans tous les cas, si vous avez l'impression d'arriver un jour face à un mur, vous pouvez choisir de vous résigner... ou me contacter et obtenir de l'aide pour passer une étape. Bonne route!
Ceci vous a aidé(e)? Partagez votre expérience.
To answer it, let's try a little exercise : close your eyes, take a deep and slow breath, and think about an uncomfortable situation you experienced. The first one you can think of. Not a big trauma now, we don't want you to get in distress. No, just something that raises say, a 3-5 out of 10 "bad feeling" (shame, anger, sadness...) 10 being "really bad". How does that feel?
Now forget about it and CHOOSE to feel good. Can you?
Well done if you truly can. Most people can't.
Let's face it, whether we want it or not, negative feelings and experiences are there. Moreover, the one you just recalled is a conscious one. Your subconsicous holds many more of them. It built a full "database" of these, in an attempt to protecting you from getting in trouble again in similar situations.
Let's try a second exercise : close your eyes, take a deep and slow breath, and think about that same uncomfortable situation, and start tapping on each of the points while describing the story and how you feel, as if you were talking to a very trusted friend, preferably out loud. KEEP AT IT for a few minutes. Progressively start introducing what you'd rather feel about it.
When you feel ready, CHOOSE to feel OK about it. How does that feel? Usually, there some level of relief, or even full relief, If nothing happens, it might be a good idea to explore why it doesn't work.
I see 3 ways to talk about past difficult times or about negative thoughts :
1. Talk about it to try and get it off your chest, or just to share it. It can work.
I have to say, when the intensity is strong, it only brings me some relief, not freedom.
2. Talk about it to a competent professional.
It normally will help get an understanding of why you're feeling the way you do. It might allow you to let it go. Maybe that suits you, and then, you're sorted :). I am very grateful to the therapists who helped me move forward over years of depression, but I confess I only got full relief and healing after a few months of tapping. Again, that's me, and we are all different.
3. Talk and Tap, or any other form of "energy psychology". EFT is the best one I found so far.
Then you might be getting to another level, I certainly witnessed a lot of people who did.
If you car doesn't start in the morning, you can ignore it, be positive and hope for the best ("it will start, I'm sure it will!").
You could talk about it, maybe it'll help, you might get good tips from friends and fix it ("you know, it was to be expected because of this and that. But now it'll get better!").
Or you can call a mechanic. Tapping is like calling your very own mechanic. You have to explain to your mechanic what's wrong, so he/she can address it. So when tapping, you usually have to state the current situation first (negative feelings, bad memories), before you get to "reframing it" by first considering the possibilities (What if?) and only then, when you're ready, when it does come from your heart, choose what you'd rather have (I choose to let it go, feel safe, forgive etc...).
In Tessa's story, if Anne hadn't accepted to "mull over" a past event, not a nice memory but not something she was thinking about all the time either, she wouldn't have enjoyed this "weight lifted from my chest"...
Does that answer? Any comment, please let me know.
guilt and stress coming from the disease can transfer very fast in a deeper weakness of the immune system, which already is fragile. Therefore it is really important to work on it, while of course pursuing medical treatment.
First, this person is taking it the right way: “What can I tap about?”: that question is already part of the solution.
Then ask yourself what exactly is triggering your guilt? Write down a list of every trigger. Was your MS diagnosed before you got pregnant with your daughter? If it is the case, you could tap on :
Even though I feel guilty/ selfish / irresponsible because I gave birth to my daughter, despite knowing about MS, I have plenty of motherly love...
To help reframing, it might be useful to remember that it is not proven at all that MS would be genetically transmitted. Tap on every aspect or every feeling separately. Write down a few notes to keep track of the feeling, rate i's intensity before you begin, and what ideas helped you get to 0. That will help you to acknowledge your progress and build on it.
Do you feel particularly guilty about her suffering? To help the re-framing, ask yourself if your guilt is bringing her (or yourself) relief from these pains?
It there a specific time when you felt particularly guilty? Maybe when the diagnosis was communicated? If that is the case, you can work on that event separately. It could be useful to get help on this, for example using Matrix Reimprinting.
Mariella's testimony during the Congrès shows it's never too late:
“I was very moved [while listening to your conference], I tapped on and on and couldn't calm down. I felt such pressure in my chest, and found it difficult to breathe at the end of the conference. I followed your indications, kept tapping, then I burst in tears, I cried, it didn't last but it was very intense, and I immediately felt relief. It was very liberating for me.
I was focusing on the time I was told my new-born's heart was damaged, 20 years ago. It really was the biggest shock in my life. [...] I needed something intense to recover my confidence. Done deal. With your help, I made it!" (Thank you Mariella for this courageous testimony!)
Then, MS has one good side (everything has, if you look close enough!). Physical symptoms are usually very clear and measurable. Observe your body's reaction when you feel particularly guilty, and tap on this physical reaction in relation to guilt.
Last but not least, be patient and persistent. Tap a few minutes every day on this guilt specifically, and keep track of your progress. It might take a few weeks, or a few days, even maybe a few hours...
You will only find out by getting on with it, staying focused on your objective.
Click here for a free tapping script to transform Worry into Love that might help you too.
Did this help? Let me know here.