Do you remember these little sentences your parents used TO TELL YOU or to say ABOUT YOU to others? Whether it was  your parents and/or siblings, teachers or school pals....

We pass judgements all the time in life : "this food is lovely" is a judgement. OK, this is a nice one.

What about the judgment parents and others teachers express about a child?

Let's explore one example : "You are always late". How many parents would say that to their child? And it might be very true. Does saying it help it to change? Maybe it does. When it is said once or twice, it's ok. It might even be said often and have no impact on the child we were. It might have been said so lovingly that it really cannot have done any harm, can it?

But when it is repeated over and over, even with love, and without providing support to help changing the reaction or situation, it slowly establishes itself as a "self truth". "You are always late" said with a smile by mum when we were a kid might become "I am always late" when we talk about ourselves as adults. And it feels so true we might not even try to change it, even if it makes our life miserable. It just feels like a FACT. "I know I'm always late, this is just the way I am". Is it?

What if it WASN'T a fact? What if we could change it? What would your life be like if this was not true? Who would you be if you were always on time? How much easier would your life be in the absence of this idea/fact? What could you spend your energy on if you learned to plan ahead and didn't need to stress out for every other engagement?

What "little sentences" did you hear in your childhood? How do you describe yourself now? You could choose to tap away the impact of these "self truths" in your current life. You can do it when you observe a specific situation, or simply as a routine. This can be done over a few weeks, until you start observing that things are changing indeed?t

Even though I'm always late, and mum was right, or was she? Even though I just proved, agaaaain, how messy I can be, I wonder if I could let this old habit go ? Even though I always say the wrong things, like I did when …

Just follow what thoughts come up when you observe your own behaviour. What if your life could become easier ?

PS: You can look at this the other way round: what are the repetitive statements we are telling our children and loved ones?

"Why can't you ever finish what you started?", "Your bedroom is a mess.... agaaain", "you are so slow"... If that sounds like a broken record, is it time to change it?

Back to children specifically, sometimes we are so busy judging ourselves that we don't even hear ourselves as we lovingly transfer our "areas for improvements" (whether real or not, by the way) to our children. "She's lazy just like me", "He is shy, just like his dad" etc...

My point is only to raise awareness, certainly not to be make it a matter of worry! Children need to be guided towards improvement, and it would seem excessive to let them repeatedly do something that will eventually make their lives more difficult, or develop a lack of self respect or respect for others. But maybe there's a different way to do this?

Don't start either to constantly worry about what you might unknowingly transfer to your children and about every single word you say. We've been doing it since the birth of humanity, and humanity is still alive! Tessa and Saoirse are good examples that no matter what the environment is like, we can pick up the "wrong message" from insignificant or even positive situations. This is life! The good news is that at any time, we can start changing things, no matter how long they've been the way they are.

Did this help?  Share your experience below or feel free to contact me for any questions.