Théophile went through what you might call a difficult childhood. Having to protect his mother from this father's violence as he was himself only 13 left some scars. And then one day he tapped...

Théophile is in his 20s. Life is not great for him. He is refered to me by his mother, who worked with me. But he doesn't really know where to start.

When you don't know where to start with EFT, the best is to focus on the first memory that comes to mind.

Théophile talks about 2 episodes, both related to his father. One when he was 13, and another one a few years later. He says he already worked quite a lot on the first one. However, when I ask him which one is the most intense, he answers without hesitation: “I was about 14 or 13, my dad wasn't his usual self, and I had to get between my parents to protect my mother so she could escape. For a long time it was very difficult for me to speak about it, but I have talked a lot about it recently.”

So we are going to work on this memory, using Matrix reimprinting. If you are not familiar with this particular use of EFT, you will find some explanations by clicking here.

It would be too long to relate the whole session, but a few points stand out. Théophile describes a situation in his parents' bedroom, one evening, around 11 pm. He's been alerted by his mother's screams. Only 13 years old, he sees his dad about to hit his mum, who is trying to protect herself. Théophile got between the two, and his mum could escape, while the child stayed at home. His dad eventually calmed down, and all ended “well”, as much as possible in such a situation. During the session, we identify how that episode impacted Théophile as a child, and as the young adult he has become. Here are just a few.

The situation left young Théophile with a deep feeling of helplessness and imminent danger. As an adult, his solution has been to withdraw into daydreaming. We tapped on this at the end of the session.

This particular scene is one of a large number of situations, not usually that violent. Put all together, it created for Théophile the fears, anguish, and instability that Théophile told me about in our first interview. This session gave him the opportunity to get a better understanding of the cause and effect relationship. He also feels trapped in a vicious circle from which he'll never be able to escape, even though he recently made a conscious decision to “live MY own life”. The following round seems to have helped:

"I am resolved to change my life and I am going through a very difficult time. So I choose to respect myself and allow myself to consider the possibility of completely letting go of this old fear, clearing it from every cell of my body, and any other part of myself, so I can be a better support to the child I used to be.”

Interesting detail: even though Théophile has already worked extensively through this traumatic childhood experience, it never occurred to him that he could have felt abandoned when his mother escaped, leaving him alone with his father. Being aware of it is new to him, but also freeing. If you are working on your own traumas, small or big, and if you feel stuck, you could try and think about seeing the trauma from the outside.

Even though this abandonment feeling was quite obvious when listening to him, it was difficult for Théophile to see it, since it could have been seen as a judgment against his mother, a kind of treason, absolutely impossible for a “good son”. Of course, this is not about judging his mother, but simply about offering a hurt child the compassion he needed to heal. Realising this allowed him to free himself even further from this part of his personal history, and from the beliefs it could have created for him. Such as “I am useless”, “I am abandoned”, “Nobody wants me”, etc...

During this session, Théophile had the opportunity to talk with the child he used to be. “It's not easy, because you really feel you're there, and you want to tell the child so many things”. He doesn't feel strong enough yet to “get back to the child” and tell him more, but he concludes “I already told him quite a lot”.

Théophile now knows that he has within himself resources he never imagined to help him face life. He says: “This memory is far less painful now, I feel supported, which I didn't previously, even though I never thought of that."

Dear reader, when you work on your own memories, looking at the child (or adult) you were then, do you think that person had all the support they needed? Sometimes we can be very harsh on ourselves. How would you judge another person going through the situation you had to go through?
Back to Théophile. He suddenly realises quite a few things. So I ask him if it doesn’t feel a little weird to feel supported, while nothing has really changed in the facts. “Yes, it's a bit bizarre, but I always was such a dreamer, it's not that much of a change!” And why were you a dreamer? “Because I didn't want to live what life was presenting me with.”

Let's be honest here. We can't really close our eyes and decide that what happened didn't happen. What we CAN DO, though, is to choose the way we want to react to it. Which led us to this last round, aimed at helping Théophile to get his life in his own hands:

Even though all this is slightly bizarre, I was always a dreamer because it was an easy escape, but now I wonder if could change my dream of a refuge, and use my dreams to create my reality.

At the end of the session Théophile appears to be a lot more relaxed, and thinks he needs a little time for everything to fall into place.

4 month follow-up
Théophile keeps working on his own. He comments: “I really liked this session with you, it gave me the opportunity to be aware of a few things, particularly about my father and my mother. I now feel much better about how I relate to them. However, I will probably soon do another session with you to work on this abandonment, which was partly created that evening. But I really want to emphasise that since that time, I now feel much more free."

This freedom had a direct impact on his professional life as he found his first job. As for the other areas, the world is his oyster!

Keep Tapping.