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Clearing the effects of a child abuse situation several decades after the facts. Really?

Sue is a very matter-of-fact person. She is very efficient in her life, a no-nonsense person. She has also used and studied various healing techniques in her life, including EFT.
When in her 30s, Sue had followed a regression therapy, which revealed she'd been abused as a child by her grand father. She'd blocked that memory all those years, Something that is very common for abuse victims. She hadn't shared it with many people since, but had worked a lot on her own, using various modalities. She had made enormous progress, but was aware she still had not cleared some major blocks around this issue. She had decided to really get through with this, and realised she needed external support to do it.

This is a long and detailed article, because I know lots of people are dealing with the very same issue and don't know what to do with it. I hope you'll find in Sue's session a few ideas to deal with your own story, or at least the understanding that you can deal with your own experience too, when you are ready to.
This session is using the Matrix re-imprinting, technique, which can appear even more weird to newcomers, than pure EFT, while its incredible rapidity and efficiency has converted many people, starting with me. The result is worth putting any disbelief aside...
A summarised description of the process is that you imagine the person you were (usually a child), either before, during or after the trauma we want to clear, in the place it happened at the time. You then talk to the child, and tap with them. Fiction writers will explain to you that their characters take a life of their own. In Matrix work, the child, also called ECHO, also definitely has a mind of his/her own. Through healing the child, the adult then feels the relief in today's life. I would not advise that you'd try this process on your own, at least not the first time, but this remains your choice, as usual.

You'll find more information about Matrix reimprinting here.


The only thing I knew when we started the session was that Sue was dealing with an early childhood trauma and that she felt very detached from the trauma and the little girl she was then, though she was aware it still deeply affected her daily life.

Matrix re-imprinting would be the perfect way to use EFT in such a situation, and Sue was eager to experience this new modality. Just imagine you're reading a nice story, involving Sue aged 50, the adult, and Sue aged 3, the "echo", the very hurt child, who's still hurting in Sue's adult's heart.

The setting is Sue's grand-father's garden, where he spent a lot of time growing vegetables. I asked Sue to describe the place for me, a way to help her set the scene. As I asked if this was before or after "the fact", she drops THE key information I didn't have so far: "my grand father abused me. Sexualy". It was such a short and quick sentence I could nearly have missed it. I then learned it happened "over a period of time".

With this in mind, I directed her to "step in" the imagined setting and introduce herself to the little girl. From then on, this is a session between the two of them, Sue helping her Echo to get through the ordeal, and me only facilitating this "tapping dialog". Expectedly, 3 years old Sue's Echo was... surprised to see this grown up copy of herself appearing in front of her. She was also glad to have somebody she instantly trusted to help her. She was also willing to play the "magic fingers game" (EFT) with her new friend.
Sue's Echo confirmed that she was feeling very alone before Sue came in but refused very clearly to say anything about her story. Yes, even an imagined child can be very stubborn!
So after Sue reassured her that this was completely OK, she did NOT have to share her story, we started tapping to clear the aloneness.

Even though you're so alone right now, I really love you
Even though you felt so lonely, I"m here to help you
Even though you feel so alone, I'm here to help you and I'm very proud of you, because you're a lovely girl.
so lonely little lonely and so sad... there are so many things in your heart, so many things that hurt, but that's OK because I"m here with you now, and I am the proof that you will go trough this and you will grow to be a lovely woman... Because I am you, and I know everything about you, and I am still very very proud of you and I love you very very much.

Remember we are tapping with a very young child here, so she does need very clear and emphasized reassurance ("very very much"...). Sue's Echo now felt "a lot better", but when asked if there's anything she'd like to deal with, she said she had a "sick feeling in her stomach.". It was grey, and if her stomach were smiley and happy, it would have been pink. We tapped this away too, asking a fairy to help with pink fairy dust. The 3 year old girl was very enthusiastic about that detail!
While she said she felt much better, we checked a little further and "yes, she still feels a little bit yucky in her stomach and there's still something she feels sad about, and also, she's cross with herself that this was still effecting her life so much". As we were tapping all this away, I asked if she had a doll. She didn't but she had a Teddy Bear, Rupert.
Now, picture Sue tapping on the little girl, and the little girl tapping on Rupert and talking WITH him, with questions I suggested to begin with: "Teddy, do you think I should be crossed about myself?". Here Sue had her first "aha moment" as the little girl started telling all of her story to Rupert, while we encouraged her to tell him how she felt and anything she wanted to say. At this stage, the little girl had completely forgotten about Sue or anything else, and started speaking so fast that Sue had no idea of what was being said.
I'd like to comment on this: we often think that if only we knew what happened, then we could be healed. But we don't necessarily need to go through the details of the story. That's one of the beauties of EFT. As Sue "watched" in her imagination her 3 year old Echo clearing all of her trauma, her own grown up version of the trauma was also getting healed.
So back to Sue's Echo and Rupert, the little girl now had a big smile on her face, informing us that Rupert was telling her he loved her. So we tapped in gratitude "Rupert is a great Teddy... brilliant... he deserves a big hug. "
And good old Rupert "told" Sue's Echo not to be cross because it's not her fault. When asked, she said she did believe him, and was REALLY not cross anymore.
This all came as a big shock to the adult Sue "observing" the scene. Even though it was HER "imagination" at work, this had gone out of hands. But doesn't our imagination have this habit to take over?
In this case, I advised Sue to let the child talk (and talk, and talk...) to her teddy until she was done.

It was the first time the child was letting everything out. I reassured Sue that she didn't need to understand anything, she just needed to be there for the child's healing.
When Sue's Echo started talking to Sue again, she asked if she could really grow up and be OK? I directed Sue to answer in the positive through a new tapping round. We checked the tummy, not completely pink yet, and with help from the fairy and Rupert, ended up with a very happy 3 years old Sue with a nice feeling in her stomach and an awkward question to adult Sue: she was looking at the adult for reassurance that it will be OK, and Sue was at a loss "I don't know if I can give her reassurance".
I helped them through a new tapping round, with this set-up :

Even though you don't really know what's happening right now. I am here to comfort you and to show you that you will grow up to be a wonderful woman, .
Even though you don't really understand all that has been happening right now, Rupert told you he loves you, isn't THAT the most important thing in the world? (Sue3 really likes that :-)
Even though you're not used to feeling good, you can feel good now, because Rupert said it, and I'm saying it too, because I love you and I trust you. Because I know you've got a beautiful heart.though

Still tapping we also showed the little girl how to create a "protective bubble" around her, so no matter what happens, she'll be safe.

This is all nice and cheery, but there's one BIG problem. Back to reality, the adult Sue is trying to take all this in, and suddenly feels nervous about letting the child down. She doesn't truly believe in the reassurance I guided her to give to the child.
Again, I'd like to comment on this: nobody can FORCE healing to happen. There is no point in saying that all is fine when it isn't. That's also another reason why it can be necessary to work with somebody else: when we are trying to convince ourselves, we can tend to ignore feelings and just stick to a "rational" approach, which doesn't really work. When working with an external person, either they will see it, or you will realise that your feelings are not what you'd like them to be.
So back to Sue, this issue demanded special attention. We got back "here and now" to address it.

Even though I don't know if I can really give her reassurance, I'm grateful she feels better right now. Maybe I can go further with this.
Even though I'm not sure if I can give her reassurance, she doesn't need to be hurt with this.
Even though I'm not quite sure I can guarantee her that she'll be safe, I can guarantee I'll be with her all the time, whenever she needs me, I'll be right there with her.

Here I ran a quick "reality check", asking if she really believed what I suggested: "I can believe that, but I don't know If I'll be of any use. " was the answer. Only Sue knows what she feels, and this needed to be part of the tapping round.

I'm not quite sure I can really help her.
This is too close to me
If I "get there" at the bad time
I'm not sure how I will react.
I did survive,
and I'm feeling better already
what would happen if I was completely healed?
What would happen if I allowed her to be healed?
What would happen if she was OK?
She did survive,
and THAT, I can tell her
knowing I'm telling the truth
She did survive
and she now has a tool to help her being the real her
even though I'm not sure I want to believe this works,
I like seeing her with her pink stomach and happier
I like seeing her with Rupert so happy
I like seeing she was able to say everything to Rupert.
I'm really grateful for that liberation she got
that never happened before.
What if it changed everything?
What if she didn't really need me anymore?
What if she could now be the real, happy little girl she was meant to be?
What if I could reassure her that she WILL be OK?
What if I trusted myself?

While Sue now felt she was on the right track, she was hesitant to "get back" to the little girl. She confirmed to me that she felt she'd be betraying the child by leaving her, and questions whether she actually needed to leave her. Well, we could choose to live in a world of magic and fantasy all day long, but "the 3 years old needs to live her life and you need to live yours. She needs to grow up."
As we tapped this away, an interesting fact came out: Sue's problem was not that the 3 years old needed her for reassurance, but that SHE needed the 3 years old for reassurance....
Tapping round included some of the following statements:

I'm NOT ready to let her go! I need her for reassurance. You've got NO IDEA all that I went through all my life. And now I found her, I don't want to let her go... I really need her to be with me. I need her AND Rupert! .... She NEEDS me anyway.
Does she? Or do I need her? I'm not quite sure anymore. Does she need me or do I need her? Maybe we do need each other? Maybe we do need to know that one is there for the other. Maybe we do need to give each other our freedom? Maybe I can give her her freedom? Maybe I can accept my freedom from her?
And even though I'm still frightened, I wonder if I'm beginning to see the start of a solution? I'm so grateful to have seen her talking to Rupert like that. I'm so grateful that she heard Rupert telling her he loves her. Rupert is with her all the time. Maybe I need a Rupert too?

We joked about her husband who would do a very good Rupert, and she eventually felt ready to let go of the child.
This is a lot to take in though, and as she felt lightheaded, I advised her to stand up, take a few steps, take a deep breathe, feel grounded, move legs, arms, stretch, feel her body... (this is all happening through Skype, by the way).
She felt better, but not exactly looking forward to "returning to the child". Sometimes, you've got to do what you've got to do, so she played along anyway. As I asked her to focus on the 3 years old again, she described a happy, strong little girl. I directed her to prepare to finish this: "Ask her if there's anything else you can do for her right now? Tell her again how proud you are about her, and how much you love her. Tell her that you'll have to go, because you've got your very own Rupert at home, you can go back to her whenever she wants you to, she only needs to tap, step into the bubble and call. Ask her if that's OK that you go."
The 3 year old girl then showed a lot more maturity than expected, telling her adult friend to "go and get on with your life!" They parted with a smile.

We then closed the session and did the re-imprinting part of it, which would not bring anything to this article.

This all happened within about 50 minutes. It was particularly easy because Sue had the event very clear in her mind, and was very detached AND aware of what went on with regards to feelings for the 3 years old version of her.

Only then did I learn all the background information I wrote as an introduction to this case study.

3 week follow-up
Working on the child we have in us often produces unexpected changes in our daily life. The initial and most notable change that Sue had was a belief about herself which she summarised very nicely in a follow-up email the next day:
"I feel like an adult for the first time in my life, the damaged child part of me has gone".
Many of us have had some degree of trauma during our childhood. We cannot change the facts, but what if we could heal the feelings? Are there any facts in your childhood that you might be carrying around daily? What about doing something about them?