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Step 3 :
So you've written your letter and wondering where this is taking you?
First notice what it feels to be writing compliments that come from your heart. Is it a pleasant feeling? If yes, you might want to be grateful for this nice feeling. If not, what is unpleasant about it? Something to tap away..
Then you might have heard a saying which tells us how easy it is for us to see the mote in another person's eye while it is more difficult to see the beam in our own eye? Which by the way is one reason why we get better results tapping on our issues with someone else than on our own..
The same goes for positive aspects. We can be quicker to see our own defects and other's qualities. However, we cannot see what we have no knowledge of.
You might have heard the story which says that Native Americans could not “see” Columbus ships. The story actually seems to originate from Captain Cook arriving in New Zealand, where the natives showed no reaction at the sight of the ships, until Cook's men landed on longboats. The natives had no concept of what the ships were and what they might mean, hence no reaction, but armed men disembarking on longboats did mean something, which led them to react.
The point is, all these compliments you paid to the person you wrote to, you couldn't have made them if you didn't have personal knowledge of, and personal sensitivity to them yourself.
So now take your letter, where you wrote “Dear John”, put your own name, and where you signed with your name, replace it according to your preference with “your friend”, “your client”, or maybe “your admirer” :-)
How does it feel? Do you feel you have these qualities? What does it trigger in you? You might want to tap along as you are re-reading your letter, either to let the good feelings in or let the bad feelings out. Your subconscious will pick what needs to be done! Hope you enjoyed this.
The original idea for this exercices come from Margaret Lynch.
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but I personally hear stories and tell stories every day.
Every day, I interpret this information, sometimes without even realising it, the tales I tell, the tales I hear. Sure, my reactions are dictated by the story itself, but also through my own filters. What about you?
Every day these tales feed our vision of life, or more specifically our vision of our life. So the question seems important to me; what story are you telling? What story are you hearing? Is that what you want to tell or to hear?
Let's talk about the story of my last New Year's Eve, for example. I found it very interesting to observe what people were hearing when I was telling the story, according to their own filters. What are your filters?
At the beginning of the year, it is the usual topic : "How was your New Year's Eve"? The politically correct answer is : "It was great".
Actually I consider that my New Year's Eve was actually quite nice, but that is not what everybody thinks.
When I tell that story, the first reaction is usually : "You poor thing"!
Here is what these people hear : "I went to France for Christmas by car, so I had to go on the ferry (since I live in Ireland). In summer time, it is a nice crossing, 18 hours long at best. In this case, we were delayed by 9 hours on the way out, and 24 hours on the way back. Both trips lasted over 20 hours through storms. Because of the delayed return, we actually spent New Year's Eve at sea, in the middle of the storm."
Of course, when you look at it that way, you might think that this is not necessarily very attracting.
Did you observe your own filter when you read this? If you get seasick just thinking about a little wave (start tapping! Particularly on the wrists.) you probably stopped reading or listening already. If seasickness is not your problem, you might not be that concerned with it.
Let's see the second part of the story, the part only few people actually hear the first time, unless I really insist about it.
This New Year's Eve was for me an opportunity for a lot of gratitude.
Gratitude, because I had chosen these circumstances. As anybody who is doing this crossing on a regular enough basis, I knew the risks. I happen to like the sea, including when there is a storm. I know that the crew, the ferry, and the captain, can be trusted. The delays were the results of a thought through decision on their part, the objective being to go through the storm at the best possible time, from a comfort and security point of view. Of course, not everything can be controlled, that's were faith/trust/confidence can be useful!
Gratitude, because I had a cabin and a comfortable bed in which I spent the most “lively” moments being rocked and getting a back massage with each wave! This is also an opportunity to think with compassion about all those who, at this very moment, as you are reading this, are at sea in difficult circumstances, maybe even very difficult, maybe even dangerous. It is time to send them love and light... You might want to use this EFT tapping script right now... What if I could feel love instead of worry?
Gratitude, because I always have all my tools with me of course. At the hardest of the storm, there were a few moments of doubt, or discomfort. There are situations where we need to and have to act when facing a risk. In this specific situation, the best possible action was to remind myself of my trust in the crew and to use whatever I needed at that moment from my toolbox: EFT of course, Tong Ren, Ho'oponopono, affirmations... I see each moment of doubt or discomfort as an opportunity to do a little emotional clean up!
Gratitude, because several times, I caught myself laughing out loud on my own, thinking about the unforgettable scene you can watch on minute 28:20 of this film: The legend of 1900, the pianist on the ocean. It is five minutes long. If you are sensitive to seasickness, tap for the first minute, then you won't even think of it. If you like piano, you might feel like watching the whole film, particularly the duel. Enjoy!
Gratitude, for all those who through the years and more recently shared or are sharing with me all these tools, and allow me to learn a little bit more every day. They will know who they are...
Gratitude because this trip gave me the opportunity to share EFT with other passengers. It is always such a pleasure to see someone smile again after a little tapping.
Let's see again what your filters did let through... What did you take from that story? Seasickness? Or something else? Next time you feel some unwanted feeling when you hear a story, it might be an opportunity to tap for the part of you or the part of your life that triggered this reaction?
The other way around, if a person understands what you are saying in a completely different way from what you want to say, it might actually not be about you or about what you are saying, but about the echo that your story triggers for this person?
Does that give you tapping ideas by any chance?
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Stress is certainly one of the most talked about topics in today's world. Google "stress" on the internet, and you'll get "About 4 270 000 000 results". Google « laughter » and you'll get..."About 1 160 000 000 results". Roughtly 1 laughter to 4 stress.
This fact got me curious. This is by no mean a scientific study, but just a little fun that got me thinking. What do we prefer to focus on ? What are we led to focus on?
Interestingly, other search engines like Yahoo! or bing give othere results : 2,250,000,000 results on Stress... and 192,000,000 about laughter! Roughtly one one laughter to 11 stress. Even worst! Where exactly is the truth?
Another interesting view point is that the definition of laughter is pretty clear and similar whoever you talk to. A doctor might be inclined to tell you more on the effects of laughter on your hormones, heart and immune system, and a stand up comic might tell you more about how laughter is a guarantee to keep a captive audience. But they are talking about the same happy feeling and its physical symptoms and facial expressions.
When you ask a doctor to define "stress" they might also tell you about the effect of what we call stress on our immune system, heart, hormones levels and more. But the stand-up comedian will probably tell you about their own stress when writing their script or before getting on stage or on screen. We all have a different definition of stress and how it shows up for each person : tiredness, lack of sleep, irritability, hypersensitivity, lack of focus... The list goes on.
I liked one definition offered by the Irish Heart Foundation :
“Stress can mean different things to different people. Stress is often defined as a mismatch between the demands placed on us and our ability to cope with these demands. The way we cope with these demands will depend on the way we think, our personality and our previous life experiences etc.
Stress is difficult to measure, but we all know what it feels like and how we cope in stressful situations. For some, it can threaten to take over their lives while for others, once they are aware of its causes and effects, stress can add excitement and challenge to their lives. It can be positive when it motivates us to get things done, however, it can be negative when we feel constantly pressurised or traumatised by too many demands.”
So what is your definition or stress, and which do you usually get bak to : laughter or stress?
My suggestion to you today : What about watching out for situations, images that make you smile, and mayne laugh?
Another idea is... to tap! Your initial statement could be :
Even though I have a tendency to feel stress more easily than I feel laughter, I'm ready to learn a new way.
Follow your intuition and tap away. What do you have to loose? A little bit of your daily load of stress? ;) Let me know how this is helping you?
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Step 2 : Activate Forgiveness and Letting go.
Here you go, I just dropped two explosive words in one go! Forgiveness and Letting go?!?!?
Explosive concepts which come back over and again in nearly each case study you will find on my website or anywhere else.
Forgiving yourself, or others. A step that can sometimes seem impossible. Ans still...
Maybe you already heard about the beautiful work Dr Lory Leyden initiates a few years ago in Rwanda, with genocide survivors? In (very) short, it started with introducing EFT to to groups of these survivors, who witnessed or went through the worst you can imagine, rape, torture, murder. And so on... I am not talking about this to darken your day, but to illuminate it. The result of these sessions soon became apparent, and an unthinkable thing started to happen : forgiveness! These young adults, who survived the unforgivable... managed to forgive! As Lory says it, if THEY can forgive, then here is a path to world peace. And it doesn't stop there! The programme now evolved towards a social and economical rebirth for a generation which could have been a lost generation. You can learn more there.
But back to the point, and more specifically to YOUR past and future year, did you experience forgiveness last year? If no example is coming to mind, would you be open to considering the possibility of forgiveness to open this new year?
Maybe a few practical examples could help to illustrate my point.
Think about Julia and the anger she kept locked in her shoulder for 5 years before she could be freed by forgiveness, think about Emma who let go of her fear of relapse for the cancer she got out of, think about Sue who ended over 45 years of hidden suffering, think about Anna who let go of the belief that she had to suffer after her surgery, Hélène who stopped trying to impose her thinking on the world around her, Laetitia forgiving her mother after her mother's passing, Marguerite who “used” forgiveness to lessen her allergic symptoms and treatments, or Tessa, 8, who forgave herself for her past mistake and got back to amazing school reports (not to mention her mum who let go of an old failure memory in the process, a lovely case study if you haven't already read that one!). The list is endless. But forgiveness is not necessarily easy, and can even be dangerous if we try to “impose” it before we are ready, as Caroline's story is teaching us.
So forgiveness and letting go are really actions that can uncover treasures of wellbeing and relief.
So think back to your past year. Could you identify 10 situations or people (including yourself) that you might have forgiven or let go? That can include disease and symptoms, Incidentally, when I researched how EFT can help relief in the case of Lyme disease recently, I discovered from Claudia Schecter that forgiveness, there too, is a key step towards healing.
So as for step 1, take your time with this, find 10 things/people/situations where you have applied forgiveness or which you have let go of during the past year, of which you hare ready to consider for this coming year
Write them down and... tap along! One point per event/situation, in front of the mirror would be a good idea.
In my case it could be :
Top of the head: “Christine, I forgive you for having taken sooo long before you got to your ideal eating pattern!” (I had learned a long time ago about the really bad impact of sugar on morale and physical health, and I had learned in 2013 about the incredible benefits of fasting, but it took me all that time to find my perfect fit and put it in place... It didn't really prevent me from a few excesses these last days by the way, but I know that can be easily corrected, so I am ready to forgive myself for that too and put my energy into correcting the situation!
Eyebrow: “Christine, I forgive you for your 15th Birthday!” Ah ah! I bet you are wondering what this could be about? Well, maybe you'll learn about it during the year...
Side of the eye: “Christine I forgive you for your delays in publishing your newsletter!” (Remember, I told you yesterday that this part would be in step 2! Here we go!
Handing it back to you!!
So get your pen and paper, go through your grudges and angers and resentments and beliefs, those you released over the past year and and others... A good way to begin a year, don't you think?
See you tomorrow for step 3!
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Gratitude is talked about again and again. But what is is exactly? Beyond a simple lopite “thank you”, gratitude is a feeling that comes from deep in our heart, spreads good feelings in all of our cells, and has a tendency to overflow as a giant smile!
Children provide us with an endless supply of observations to study. Unless there is a trauma situation, any baby will naturally smile, generously rewarding others when all of their basic needs are met (sleep, food, hygiene... and cuddles!)
Somewhere between the baby we once were and the now, we can misplace this innate skill. Particularly when life doesn't seem to fulfil these 4 basic needs, and presents us with obstacles in the areas of health, relationships, finances and whatnot. And as any knowledge that goes unused for a while, we tend to forget about it. Gratitude is still here though, inside...
What about reviving you gratitude skill with a short daily exercise, a tapping practice? You'll see, it's like physical exercise, it will do you good, particularly on the long term, without the aches.
Try it and let me know what it does for you!
You don't know where to start? No problem, here is a free tapping script to reclaim your gratitude skills!
With all my gratitude for your reading... and for the contagious gratitude you are about to increase around you! :)