I offer e-mail follow up to my clients, within reason of course. Usually a few minutes are enough to answer and unblock a situation. This e-mail came to me in that context, and it summarises issues which happen more often than not with a lot of people. So I asked the sender, who choose "Sophia" as her pseudo, if I could publish her question, thinking that it might help YOU. If you are reading this now, I imagine that something in the title rang a bell for you?

Here are a few tips on each point.

Hi Christine, well, what I'm doing is not nice,

Nice for whom? For you or for me? You cannot presume what I think. I can choose to read or answer, or not. So I can choose if I find it nice that you're writing or not. What do YOU choose? Are you writing just because you like being "not nice" or for another reason?

For you who are reading this, and maybe don't dare asking for help when things are difficult, whether it's asking a close friend or somebody else, think about this. If you feel safe enough to ask, give the person the authorisation to choose what THEY think of it. If you felt you could trust this person, they will be able to tell you when they can't help. And if they can't, maybe you are giving them an opportunity to learn to define and communicate their own limits? Either way, if asking for help brings guilt, shame or anything else along those lines, this is something you might want to tap on.


I only write when I feel like throwing everything away (EFT rounds, tap tap),

Let the first EFT-er who never went through such a phase stand up! (well, it seems that everybody remains seated!)

This reaction is absolutely normal and happens regularly. I experienced it it, and most of my clients will recognise themselves too!

EFT can lead to wonderful minute-wonders, and we could believe this is the rule and feel impatient when it doesn't happen all the time. The thing is, minute-wonders are an exception, not a rule. Sophia is dealing with a very complex personal history. Even if she has experienced minute-wonders and will probably experience more, she has quite a long list of limiting beliefs and traumas, both old and recent, deep or light enough. It will probably require that she invests her time and energy for a few months of focused tapping, even though anything can happen with EFT, and it could also be faster than we could think. It is normal to feel discouraged at some stage.

If you feel like dropping it all, you have many choices. Here are a few examples (this list is NOT exhaustive). You can:
A - decide that it's really not worth it, and drop this solution. Maybe EFT is not for you, and maybe you'll find YOUR solution somewhere else. Or maybe not. What is your gut feeling?
B - ask yourself what you would say to a dear loved friend who would be in a similar situation: "drop it, you'll never succeed anyway." or something like "I understand it's difficult right now, you feel stuck, it's normal to feel put off. But do you remember that time when you told me how it had really helped? Maybe it's worth giving it another go, just to see what happens?" Remember this is a person you really love, a person you want to help... What would you do? What if that person you love was.. yourself?
C - choose to really get into your anger... and tap along. What if it got you through this?
D - ask yourself if this situation reminds you of another one. You could find a lead on a topic or memory to tap on, that could also solve today's issue?

What other choices can you see?

 

but if I stop, I'm thinking I'm  useless...

Well... Would that be a judgment you have on yourself? If it is, is it really yours or does it come from another person who taught you this judgment, a person you believed? During the first 6 years of our lives, we are like sponges, we literally absorb whatever "grown-ups" do or say as if it was THE truth. In a perfectly subconscious way, we then replicate what we "learned". A parent or teacher telling you "you are useless", either in a repetitive way or at a moment when you were particularly insecure is enough for you to record this information as a "truth", one of these famous limiting beliefs. And then for you to repeat it to yourself again and again, in a perfectly subconscious way, since it has become an automatic program.

Now that you are aware of it, do you feel like carrying on with this judgment and the feeling it leaves in you, the impact on your morale? Or would you rather change that script? Change the judgement and express something else? E.g. "I have a choice"?

The more you repeat to yourself that you are useless (or ridicule, or guilty, or hopeless, or weak, or that you cannot change etc...), the more you believe it is true, and the more you find ways to prove to yourself that this IS true. Our subconscious mind loves being right and will help us to find proof that what we focus on is real. The typical example is the read cars you spot everywhere when you just bought one.

So since you will be focusing on an idea or dwell on a word, why not make it a nice one? "I feel calm and relax" for example? That's the one I use instead of "I feel nervous" in tense situations. :-) Identify a quality that makes you feel good and that you want to grow. Make it your new chorus line. 

 

in this situation, my entourage pays for my anger.

Again this is a reaction most people experience. Some say that the best defense is a good offense. While we're busy attacking others, we're sure not to look at our own issues.
Have you ever experienced yourself or seem somebody facing an angry person or even an animal with great calm? Aggressiveness can drop very fast or not that fast. But eventually, it will. Gandhi would be the expert in that area! 
What if this was not about defense? What it the real line of action was to acknowledge your suffering and give yourself love, compassion, kindness, call it whatever you like? Imagine the beloved friend again. You can feed or even deepen their low feelings in an attempt to support them "You are so right to feel low and to drop everything, nothing can help anyway" Is this really helping?

Or, you could help them to see the situation in a different light. Yet another choice...

Just a tip, if you would authorise yourself to tap "just once more", I would advise you to do just this: tap while saying how discouraged, or angry you feel, explore your wish to drop it all, focus on it and tap along. Usually, after a while, the "drop it all feeling" changes, either to direct you to a specific event that requires your attention, or to just collapse on its own. Try it?

 

Whatever happens, if you kept only one "should" in your vocabulary, it would probably be this one:

You should ALWAYS foster hope, however small it might seem sometimes, and be tenacious on your way towards well being. Whatever tool you are using, you deserve your happiness. Keep going, you will find it on your road, even if it doesn't look like what you originaly thought it would.

 

Did this help? You can comment here.

 

"Sophia's" answer could give you a few more ideas

Since I expressed myself to tell you that I was fed up, I'm managing with a few  "taps taps" created here and there, using my feelings, with my words, my instinct.

This situation is happening because, inevitably, something Huge is about to happen, and it's frightening... "Panic on board"!! And as you were saying through your red car example, well, as for me right now, I can't stop creating situations where I can get back to the fact that I am indeed inept, ridicule, useless... In short, these words remain hard to say (despite the routine and tapping round this morning when I woke up). See, I'm not letting go;)
I find your answer perfect, a little bit like a "self-service class", where we can come and pick what's relevant to us in that instant... This article is leaving me with a great freedom, it allows us not to feel guilty, to meet ourselves in a kind of tolerance... I find it very "humble"... I read it quite a number of times before I could give it a meaning... And it brought me peace...

I also feel I have a Great need to express myself, to say when a situation annoys me... Maybe it is because I kept silent for 20 years... Maybe this is the reason that led me to train in NVC (Non-Violent Communication), to allow me to say things without losing people. Know how to say, know how to express... but being able to SAY AND NO LONGER KEEP THINGS WITHIN ME... Pfew!!

 

Thank you Sophia for sharing